Making Friends With Grief

I always recommend that folks who are going growing their families hold space for the grief that often comes up in this process.

Trying to conceive can be full of so many curveballs— from your ideal known donor not working out, to the sperm bank recalling your vials because they hit their family limit, to fertility difficulties. The family building process is, for many of us, not the rainbows and butterflies we hoped it would be.

I was lucky in that I got pregnant on my first two IUIs (my first was an early miscarriage or chemical pregnancy, which is a story for another time). It was such a privilege to get pregnant and stay pregnant the second time, and I have cherished the experience of pregnancy, birth, nursing, and being a gestational parent.

In 2023, I went through a difficult separation from my co-parent, and got a first-hand crash course into the heartbreak of losing the dream of a certain kind of family that I’d envisioned for my and our future.

It was the hardest and most grief-full time of my life so far— and it gave me a window into what many folks go through when their TTC process is so much harder and longer than they originally expected.

At the beginning of my separation process, I joined an online community that including other divorced parents, and the comfort I got being there meant so much. It gave me first-hand experience of how powerful community is when we are going through the hard stuff, and is part of why I believe so strongly in what we are creating at PregnantTogether.

Family-building often brings us face to face with life's hardest lessons. And we deeply, deeply need each other through it. 

If you're going through a long and hard family-building (or family-changing process), I hope you know that PregnantTogether is here to support you through it.

Sending love,
Marea

PS—
My friend Camille Barton, who wrote the book Tending Grief, did a beautiful workshop for our community back in May. I’m including a link to watch this recording because I think it’s the medicine that so many of us need. You can order a copy of Tending Grief here.